How I Betrayed Emancipation
How to define the value of a person who is not succesful in terms of the capitalist system? It’s 2021 and being a mum still feels like betraying emancipation and all the people who were fighting for equal rights no matter what gender.
I grew up knowing that there is no difference between the evaluation of the performance of men and women. That with diligence you can achieve something in life that makes you happy, no matter what gender and no matter how much money. I would describe myself as professionally successful and I have a job that I enjoy at least most of the time and that makes me financially independent. Check in a box. Up to this part, the public definition of success and my intrinsic one fit together.
Then I became a parent.
After giving birth I made a conscious decision to stay at home for the first year and take care of our child. The deal was: I organize everything in our private life, my husband takes care about our financial situation. At the beginning it was great and super stressful at the same time. I never realized how much work it is to take care of a child, run the household and still trying to have a social life at the same time. There is more flexibility during the day but also many demands of the baby you need to be aware of and be prepared for in your daily routine. I never felt that “if the baby smiles all the other stuff is forgotten” but I really appreciate having the opportunity to be with him with all of my mind.
But somehow the self-image I had of myself as a successful, independent woman no longer fit. I am not financially independent right now. My CV shows a time gap. When I meet someone new (someone who is not a mum), I have the feeling I need to explain about my former profession, as if beeing a mum is not enough. The financial dependence on my husband was born out of a team concept: two people sharing the common tasks of everyday life in order to raise a child. But I suddenly feel deficient, conforming to the old-fashioned role cliché. As if all the struggles for equality made no sense, because with the birth of a child, the emancipated woman transforms directly into an old-fashioned role cliché of the housewife.
Have I betrayed emancipation?
Actually, I enjoyed doing something different than going to the office every day. Watching our son grow up is very fulfilling and impressive. It makes life so much more exciting than just going to the office every day until your retirement. But I am missing the external confirmation, the official acknowledgement that I am still a valuable part of our success society. With the housewife cliché I am not free to enjoy beeing the stay-at-home-parent. It takes a big part of the joy from me.
Isn’t emancipation having equal choices?
Doesn’t emancipation mean everybody has the equal choice to do what he/she/it wants to do. Isn’t it amazing to have a partner you can split daily routine tasks for a while with, to give your child a smooth start in life? It’s 2021 and I have to justify in front of others and myself that I am still an emancipated women and a valued member of the successful professionals club in the capitalist system. But how to define the value of a person who is not successful in terms of the capitalist system?
In the end I simply need to accept, that the role of a non-working-mum does neither meet the expectations of feminism nor of the current economic system. Nobody will congratulate me for achieving any society goals or professional career step. It’s more about withdrawing yourself for another person. This “other person” is my lovely son and even if the daily tasks as a mum are not always fulfilling, I deeply know, it’s worth it… and I should urgently look for a proper definition of myself!
